HOW TO....mow a lawn

So I don't mow the lawn. I never have. I had a dad and a brother who did it while I was growing up. Once I was married, my sweet husband always did it. He enjoys mowing the lawn and says he feels funny having me out there doing it cause he wouldn't want the neighbors to think he was a slacker husband. So I have really never mowed a lawn per se. I have played around with the mower and tested a few runs but never have I done the job. Well with Tom gone for two weeks and the job needing to be done, I thought, "How hard can it be to mow a lawn?" Ha ha ha...yeah...

1. Start the lawnmower. MUCH easier said than done. After trying to start it a few times (after pushing the button 3 times like it said) our good neighbor across the street ran over to see if I needed help. Much to my relief (and utter embarassment) he saw some spark plug wire and fixed it so the lawnmower started right up.

2. Mow the lawn. Really? Is that all? So after it starts and I am on my own again, I ran a few passes over the grass and the mower dies. It keeps dying when I start mowing. Out comes the neighbor again. Thankfully. (And mortifyingly.) The mower keeps getting clogged. This I actually figured out on my own. But how to fix it....after the neighbor looks it over (and comments on what a nice mower it is) he says it must have an attachment that shoots the grass out the side. Of course! I run into the garage and find it, he puts it on, and away I go. Until the neighbor comes back moments later and says the mower is cutting it so short and because the grass is so long it's still getting clogged. So he adjusts it up a few clicks and phew...that's the last I see of the good neighbor.

3. Finish the front yard. With relief I finish up the front yard (and it looks pretty good actually) I head to the back where at least there won't be anyone watching to see me struggle with this chore anymore, I can mow without being so self-conscious. Yeah!

4. Start on the backyard. So much harder than the front. And it's huge, have you noticed that too? Trying to get around window wells, tree stubs, the batting cage an oh, Comcast left a huge cable running across the ENTIRE length of the backyard, resulting in me lifting it to go under it at three different points in the lawn mowing pattern I started.

5. Watch out for obstacles. Ignore the little bits of newspaper flying around one corner of the yard because I just found out that no, the lawnmower isn't much like a vacuum and the newspaper I ran over won't just disappear! *Note to self* Pick up the other two pieces of newspaper on the back lawn!

6. Use this opportunity to teach a child something new. Might have gone better had I had a better grasp on the task at hand. It was a little like the blind leading the blind. After half a rotation, the poor kid gave up and ran in crying because I might have freaked out when he got the lawnmower a little too close to the batting cage and one of the long ropes got caught up. No worries, the batting cage was left unscathed during the entire event. But my paranoia and lack of lawnmowingness was too much for the little guy to deal with. He will benefit much more having his dad teach him this particular task.

7. Finish the back yard. I wish I could say I did. I was ALMOST done when the lawnmower died. Although I knew why instantly--no gas. And there was only a trickle in a container in the garage which got me a little closer to finishing, but not quite. Under the swingset, under the batting cage, and a sweet strip down the middle of the back lot is what is left. There was nothing more I could do.

8. Put everything away and shower. After putting the lawnmower away I walk into the house with the shock that 2 1/2 hours had gone by! Good garbage our yard is huge! That is a long time to be out mowing. I head upstairs to get in the shower, with my head pounding and the scratches on my arms from the Rowley's trees stinging. I pull pieces of sticks out of my hair and try to bend my sore arms to wash it. Add to that achy, tired legs and a sunburnt forehead!

9. Make cookies for the good neigbor. Because after all, without him this entire event would never have happened!

So there you have it. I will forevermore leave the lawnmowing to my more capable better half. Although it seems now I have learned the in's and out's and could probably do it again easier than this, I just don't want to!